I Work for Techtard

Sometimes I can't believe I work for this woman.

I've entertained you before with tales of Techtard, affectionately known as my boss. She is, by all means, a TECHTARD. I haven't told a good Techtard story in a while and she lavished me with a doozie yesterday and I must share the wealth.


(for another great tale from Techtard, visit Guac Rocks!)

First and foremost, Techtard and I are a couple of sick freaks. We can hold our own with the guys, hands down. Nothing is too gross or off-limits for us. You name it, we've probably done it. Sick. Simply sick.

So the other night, Techtard is working late running some print jobs for an upcoming dinner we've got going on. She is struck with the sudden urge, to put it mildly, expel number two from her lower region. After clenching her ass and shuffling to the restroom, she takes care of business and returns to the office.

As she's fluttering about from her desk to the printer, she keeps feeling something wet on the back of her legs. Shocked, she wonders to herself if she by chance didn't do a stellar job in "cleaning up after the aforementioned removal of waste products." Since it's now dark out and she's afraid of someone seeing in her windows, she proceeds to go out into our soft seating area to remove her pants and do an "inspection" of her nether region.

She had managed to tuck a rather long wet piece of toilet paper into the back of her pants, allowing it to dangle around the backs of her knees, while passing a professor waiting to get on the elevator, whom she is sure saw her lovely surprise.

Let me say this again. I work for this woman.

No Title Necessary

Snarley Red Eye

I've been harping about this for a week now with my husband.

We've got to get organized.
We've got to manage our time better.
We've got to slow down.

I constantly feel like I'm in a hurry. Gotta get here, gotta get there. I feel the same way at work. I feel like I'm always on the go and that nothing is getting done the way it should be. I neglect this and that until I realize that it wasn't the smartest thing to do. I'm overprogrammed.

And these are things we try to instill in our new freshmen. Manage your time. Let some things go so that you have more time to study. Don't overextend. You only have 24 hours in a day.

I'm a slave to time. It's a simple as that.

So this morning, as I was running 10 minutes late getting myself ready and barking orders so that Joonya gets ready, I had a hairspray malfunction. The Biolage hairspray bottle's little pumper got clogged and I got a straight shot of spray right into my left eye. I went down. I got so mad that my immediate reaction was to throw the bottle into the wall but when struck with the initial blast, I dropped it, and then couldn't see it to throw it! It hurt like hell. And once the pain started to subside, I could see the damage. As I pryed my eyelid apart, my eye was so red it looked like I had been on a pot smoking bender for six days. It still stings as I sit here.

Because, once again, I was in a hurry. Well, indirectly. Had I not been running late, I would have followed my normal hair/make-up routine, but because I decided to take shortcuts during the process, I ended up hating the end result so I took MORE time trying to primp and improve, resulting in me pulling out the Biolage bottle that I rarely use, clogged and all, and taking one in the eye.

Not an Original Thought to be Found

Arrrgh, I'm nothing short of a two-bit pirate.

I haven't blogged in a while because I've been busy with work and my son's baseball team. My husband is coaching and I've been out there helping the kids as well. It's good for this old body to be swinging a bat and catching a ball. The first few days I was a tad sore, but the initial shock has since worn off my body.

As far as blogging goes, the only thing I've done is peruse the usual suspects, and once again, Stray Dog has something worth stealing. Back in the day, I was a huge fan of South Park but haven't been too faithful lately. Well, not in the last few years. That really doesn't constitute lately. Essentially I suck as a fan. Let's just say I have an appreciation for the show.

So when I saw Dan's post about creating the Stray Dog South Park character, I couldn't pass up the opportunity to create the JMR South Park character.

She looks a little something like this.

Of course, I must give kudos where kudos are due. I'm always a fan of the creative creatures who come up with fabulous stuff like this.

Get your own South Park character at PLANEARIUM.

Too Fabulous for Words

Every two to three months I indulge. One of my favorite things on this planet is a small Gionino's cheese pizza. Nothing fancy, just plain cheese. Gionino's makes the best pie in these parts, especially when it's fresh from the oven. My palette's nirvana.

Today I'm indulging. I asked my coworkers if they wanted to partake but I didn't find any takers. So it's me, myself and I with this fabulous saucy creation.

A couple of weekends ago we hosted a skating party for Joonya's 8th birthday. We rented the local skate center for 2 hours and invited hoards of people. Many came. It was a good time for all. Kids who never skated, parents who haven't skated in decades - we all had fun. I ordered za from my friends at Gioninos and they pulled through for me, even opening the shop early on a Sunday to accommodate my order. I ordered extra with the hope that I'd have lots of leftovers to carry me through the early part of the work week. I was wrong. There was nothing left. Everyone marveled at how good the pizza was.

You're probably wondering why I'm going on and on about a local pizza joint. That's a good question. I've been kicking around the idea of writing about products I like and dislike, especially after seeing the dollars that are spent on some marketing campaigns. My undergrad is in marketing and I'm always checking out what companies are doing with their products and how they appeal to the masses.

But like I said, I'm still kicking it around. That might require me to blog more than once a century.

Opening Day Recap

It's Saturday and I've just finished up my working Saturday stint at the office. My trip to the Jake was fun and a huge success, despite the weather. If you happen to follow the weather in northeast Ohio, you would have known that it was raining buckets here early yesterday. I'm about an hour south of Cleveland so when we left to go to the Jake at 1 p.m., it was sunny and warm, around 65. Hopes were high that those sunny skies would meet us in Cleveland.

Ehhhrgh. Wrong.

As we got closer, the skies got cloudier, grayer and we were welcomed with a fine rainy mist. Despite the colder temperatures and the fog, the game couldn't have been more perfect. We were able to park in Eastgate and with our shmancy parking and Terrace Club passes, we were treated like royalty as we had to walk all of 100 feet to the entrance. No lines, no hoards of people, easy parking and easy entry. Our seats were spectacular. Field box seats, 20 rows up right off of first base. The rain held off and it was interesting to watch the fog roll in off of Lake Erie. Terminal Tower was right on the other side of the Jake and you couldn't even see it, the fog was so thick. At one point, I could barely see the left fielder through the fog. But no rain. It was chilly and the wind picked up mid-way through the game, but it was tolerable.

Part of the reason I love going to Tribe games is because I enjoy listening to the conversations around me. Our seats were in an area that you could tell were season ticket holders - corporate season ticket holders. There were tons of corporate type men around me. Lots of beer drinking. Lots of funny conversations. Here are some of my favorite quotes of the day.

Background: Grady Sizemore, young, handsome, talented, single. Youngest player on the team and playing extremely well. Women love him. Men envy him, but like and respect him. Grady catches a fly ball off the wall in center field. Comments:

"Oh, he's going to be popular with the ladies tonight."
"Man, he'd be popular if he tripped over his shoe, crashed into the wall, and missed it completely."

Background: Casey Blake, the bottom of the order batter, goes up to bat with bases loaded. Comments:

"I guarantee you he's going to choke and not get a hit."
Literally 3 seconds later, CRACK! First pitch grand slam.

I had to say something. I turned around and said, "So, which one of you said he'd choke?"

It was a great day and a great game. The Tribe spanked the Twins and put the wheels in motion for a great season in Cleveland.

Opening Day at the Jake

I feel like I've won the lottery, the Mega Million multi-state lottery, like $385 million!

Actually, I scored tickets to the Indian's Home Opener.

Not just tickets.


REALLY, REALLY GOOD KICK-ASS TICKETS.

And a free parking pass in the adjacent deck.

And tickets to the Terrace Club, the swanky bar/restaurant overlooking left field.

All of this thanks to my best friend who works for a major corporation who has season tickets who was giving them away for NOTHING.

I'm the luckiest girl in the world. So I'm leaving work now to head up to Cleveland to be with others of my kind. And I'm taking my son out of school for half a day to go. Mom of the Year, I am.

I'm so excited.