The World is not your Ashtray

I don't get on a soapbox very often, because frankly, I try to mind my own business. Occasionally I succumb to the temptation of gossip because, well, it's fun, and I'm a mean girl.

Today I'm stepping out of my element. I get annoyed with people who preach their opinions as if what they say is the "end all, be all." Hooray, I'm happy you have an opinion! Yes, I'm polite and I listen! But secretly I'm saying STFU in my head and finding ways in which to leave your sorry ass in mid-sentence. That being said, you have my permission to stop reading this gripe-post at your convenience, no skirtation necessary. (I think I just made up a new word.)

Smokers, the world is not your ashtray. Yes, you are driving a new 2005 model of Car and Driver's latest "Best Of" series, and yes, an ashtray coming standard in a vehicle is a thing of the past, but that does not give you the right to clog our thoroughfares and sidewalks with cigarette butts. Butts = Asses. Get it? Please do us all a favor. Go to the local KMart or the White-Trash-24-Hour-Open-For-Billy-Business-Megaconglomerate and purchase yourself a $4.99 car ashtray that will fit nicely in one of the 18 cup holders you now possess.

Hey, I'm all for smoker's rights. Smoke away. Suck hard on that little white stick, it's your right. Just put your butts where they belong, and NOT FLICKED OUT YOUR CAR WINDOW. That just pisses me off. It's rude, not to mention nasty. It wasn't long ago that some joker in his POS sports car flicked his butt out his window and it hit my passenger's side window. Amazing, sure, there were some g-forces at work there, but my point is, what if that window was open? What if someone was sitting there? You effin asshole.

Warning, warning, something disgusting this way comes. You may want to stop reading NOW.

I started to think long and hard about this cigarette dilemma, and contemplated what might be considered as foul and nasty as butts being tossed haphazzardly across our nation. I decided that the next time some nutsack tosses his butt out the window, I'm going to follow him until he parks, and then casually toss my used tampon out my window, just to see his reaction. And I hope it lands on his car, coagulating nicely on his paint job. I bet a riot will ensue. Seriously, what's the difference? I surely don't want to clog up my cupholder/ashtray/changeholder with used tampons, so I'll just toss them out the window. I swear people, I'm this close. This close!

There's a simple solution. Don't litter. I'll keep my used tampons where they belong as long as you properly dispose of your butts. We'll all be one big happy family living in harmony, safeguarding one more avenue for the government to steal our DNA.

Rant finished.