Booger Eaters

My next door neighbors moved in almost a year ago. They are Kansas homegrowns. Having been born and raised in Ohio, I was thrilled to have some "midwestern/southern culture" in the neighborhood. Boy did I get it. Enter Cody and Lori.

I'm writing a book about my experiences living next door to Cody. I have a whole list of codyisms that I've collected over the last several months. Don't get me wrong, this isn't a Cody bashfest, this is written with nothing but admiration and respect. Cody and Lori are great friends. Good, honest, cornfed people.

Cody and Lori came here from Texas, having spent a year in Dallas. Lori, although born in Kansas, grew up in Oklahoma, and Cody, bless his heart, didn't venture much out of Podunktown, Kansas. His hometown has one intersection and about 50 people. And - he has a vocabulary all his own.

Cody claims to be a "real cowboy," not one of them thar booger eaters. Yes, I said booger eaters. According to Cody, booger eaters are guys who claim to be cowboys but don't really fit the true cowboy definition. As defined by dictionary.com, a cowboy is "a hired man, especially in the western United States, who tends cattle and performs many of his duties on horseback. Also called cowman, cowpoke, cowpuncher, also called regionally buckaroo, vaquero or waddy." Apparently wearing a hat and some Wrangler jeans won't get you into the Cowboy Hall of Fame.

In Ohio, we don't get many cowboys, and if we do, they are, for sure, booger eaters.

Today, I saw the ultimate booger eater truck. It was this gargantuan Ford truck. How did I know it was a Ford truck, you ask? Well, by God, it must have had 20 stickers in the windows pimping the fact that this truck was a Ford truck. I wasn't able to get a good look at the driver because the sun was glaring off his windshield. However, I'm picturing a Toby Keith wannabe because I caught a glance of his white rolled-brimmed cowboy hat. I also thought I faintly heard the words "I'm a Ford truck man," but I could be mistaken. But what really gave away the fact that this was, indeed, a booger eater, was the, not one, but TWO (thatsalatta commas) longhorn steer skulls gracing the front of his Ford truck grill, much like this one:

Shock and awe, people, shock and awe. You just don't see sights like this in suburban Ohio. Yeah, we're hickish and all with our soybean and dairy farms, but wowza, this was a beaut. The first thing out of my mouth was, "Holy shit, look at that booger eater." The second thing out of my mouth was, "Holy shit, now I sound like Cody." I'm not sure which was worse.

This individual did the booger eating world justice. He was an excellent specimen. For a split second I wished the light I was approaching would have turned red so that I would have been forced to stop and gaze at the fine craftmanship of this booger eater and his trusty Ford steed.

And once more, I'm reminded that I simply must replenish the batteries in my digital camera and to carry it with me at all times.