Valentine's Day Wrap-Up

Argh. The hype this day brings. My husband and I have been married for nearly 13 years and we've never been a couple who focuses on "romance" in our relationship. For us, romance is setting up the programmable coffeemaker the night before for the other person, or taking out the garbage when it's not your turn. It's a much more realistic and attainable form of romance. It works for us.

Occasionally, he surprises me. A few years ago he brought home chocolate covered strawberries the size of Kansas. This, of course, was after several years of purchasing me music boxes that I never collected, or liked. I finally told him so thus putting an end to an era of "what the hell am I going to do with this?" gifts. Please don't misunderstand, I truly appreciated the effort, but I often wondered what cues I gave off for him to think that this was something I actually wanted, or enjoyed. We joke about it now because he can be so predictable with his gift giving. The last few Christmases I've been given CDs that only he likes. I open them and look at him and say, "this is really for you, isn't it?" Of course it is. It's how we operate. I purchase my own gifts and get exactly what I want. He purchases his own gifts, gives them to me, I give them back to him, and he ends up getting exactly what he wants. We don't pressure each other into finding the perfect gifts. We're realists. Or lackluster boring old married folk.

His card purchasing lacks a bit, as well. For our last anniversary, he bought me a card that was clearly designed with a African-American couple in mind. Seriously. I read it, looked at him, and said, "You've got to be kidding me." He said, "What?" I asked, "Did you EVEN READ THIS BEFORE YOU BOUGHT IT?" The expression on his face changed to a bit more serious. "What, did I get you a sympathy card or something?" Oy. Busted. He fessed up that he hadn't read it. And we all got a huge laugh over my African-American themed anniversary card.

This Valentine's Day, however, he came through. I don't expect great things on these so-called Hallmark holidays. The last few years of our marriage has had it's ups and downs, and sadly, the downs are becoming a bit more frequent. Marriage is hard. It takes work. We're committed to each other and our family so throwing in the towel simply isn't an option. Besides, I'm a lifer. My parents are lifers, and their parents were lifers. Through thick and thin, you find a way to make it work. Compromise, compromise, compromise. Period.

He read today's card purchase. For someone as stubborn as him, I sensed a great deal of remorse in the words of this card. And it made me cry.

For My Wife

I know I sometimes let you down,

and that I don't always do the things the way you would do them.

I know I'm not able to give you all the things you deserve...

but when it comes to loving you,

I can't believe that any man has ever loved his wife

more than I love you.

It pleased me to no end. And when I burst into tears and snuggled up to him on the couch, crying into his sweatshirt, he didn't laugh or make fun of me. He just hugged me. No jokes about me being a sap. No smart-ass remarks about the silliness of the day. Just him finding the right card with the right words to say the things he's too stubborn to say.

That, my friends, was the perfect Valentine's Day gift.