PMS: Fact or Fiction?

I'm a sufferer. I refuse to believe that this is just part of my personality, that in fact, one week every month I turn into this uncontrollable, snippy, overly-emotional monster. It's simply not who I am.

About a year ago, my OB-GYN diagnosed me as not only suffering from PMS, but also suffering from PMDD - premenstrual dysphoric disorder, a more severe form of PMS. Sorry, folks, anytime you throw dysphoric into a diagnosis, it doesn't sound good. I suffer from all of these symptoms: unreasonable anger, irritability, anxiety, low self-esteem, inability to focus or concentrate, depression and irrational behavior. As a result, I've been on a myriad of prescriptions to help combat these symptoms, all of them being antidepressants: Zoloft, Lexapro and Serafem (Prozac). No, I'm not taking them all at the same time, but I have taken each of them at different times to find the one that is the right fit for me. So far, I haven't been successful. I will say, however, that they are effective in treating or lessening the symptoms, but the side effects, for me, have been unbearable. Those include loss of sexual interest, extreme fatigue, weight gain, and overall, a very "I don't give a shit about anything" kind of attitude. I welcomed that, actually, that kind of lackidaisical, carefree attitude, but it began to affect my life at home and work. I think I perform better when there is an underlying amount of stress to motivate me. So now I am med-free.

But still, I suffer. I'm not sure what to do. The good news is that at least now, I recognize what is happening to me. No, I don't use it as an excuse. I hate when women do that. And it annoys me that when a woman voices a strong opinion that goes against the grain, she is accused of PMSing. But that's a debate for another time.

I guess I just needed to write about it in this medium because I'm having such a difficult time today. I try to use humor to combat it most days, when I'm able to see through the fog. Take, for instance, last night. I took my son to see the movie, Madagascar. I was anxious for the two hours leading up to the movie because I wanted to make sure there was enough time for us deal with road closures and construction, and more importantly, enough time for me to get to the closest convenience store to get a king-sized Hershey's with Almonds. I'm not kidding, I was consumed by that. Chocolate before anything else. At one point, while I was eating dinner, I actually heard a voice inside my head say, "Hurry up, Joonya, and eat your dinner. If we're late getting to this movie and I don't have my purse well stocked with candy, there is going to be hell to pay." I hate to think what hell would have consisted of, but by God, it was going to happen. Fortunately for him, and everyone else, it didn't. And the movie was fun. And I ate my Hershey's with Almonds without incident.

I feel better already. And I'm content knowing that I have a second king-sized Hershey's with Almonds stashed in my purse for when a crisis strikes. It pays to prepare.